so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
this hospital has no fireball
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
