so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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Do I have a choice?
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What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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