I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
