That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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