Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
