This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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