Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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