That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
