I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
