Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
