Pappa wants mamma naked
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
