Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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