Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my being single is dangerous.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
