Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
