you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
