I love black thongs
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
