I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
