she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize