Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
