They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Come back. Shots need mouths.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize