Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
