I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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