At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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