apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
