There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
