I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
