Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
