apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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