My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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