Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
