I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
