I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize