Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize