if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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