saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
