we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I would fuck him just for his dog
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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