First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Are we still banned from the library?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
