Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
