dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
