Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i need an iv and a liver transplant
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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