he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He passed out mid-signature
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
