Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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