It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
