His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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