No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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