i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
