I smell stomach acid.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
