Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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