I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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