But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
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