so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
