you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
