she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
