he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
