I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
