we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
