every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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