five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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