I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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