I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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