moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
