I must be too annoying 4 u.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
