It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Screwed.edu
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
