i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
