Nicole vs. Life
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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