P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
