i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize