my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
