WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize