my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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