Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
