our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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