3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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