I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
