i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
