That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
is it fun? or sober?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
