Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
