Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
