You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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