You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
how drunk are you?
Several
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
