Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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