making cat noises will not fix the situation.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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