So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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