Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
