Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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