Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Still dying that you shit outside
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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