Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
