Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
