Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
