We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
