I'm so fucking centered right now
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
