im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
