sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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