yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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