omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize