she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
