You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
