I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
