It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
