Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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