I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
as a side note pls kill me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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