My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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