Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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